It's was like I knew, but I didn't want to know. So instead of believing the ugly truth, I lived with a beautiful lie. Well needless to say after roaming through his Facebook messages (yea, I'm ashamed), and other emails, I came across numerous women who fell victim to his lies. Needless to say, it was instantly over, and I haven't looked back since.
The problem is, instead of laying low and taking care of myself, I immediately jumped into another relationship. Why oh why. A relationship with someone is exactly what I'm looking for. I mean there are some things about him I dislike but nothing I could not work with. But there is this uncertainty deep down in me that won't allow me to open up and be free. And honestly I don't feel that I will change. Ultimately, I may end up losing this guy, but I'm just not ready. Although I have been searching and waiting on a guy like him, my heart won't heal or allow me to love him.
He stated to me that he would wait, no matter how long it takes for me to come around. What if I don't come around. I don't want to waste his time. I feel bad about how things are. But I can't help how I feel. My heart is confused. I find myself attracted to men, I know are no good for me. Although I have not pursued them, my flesh is weak. My heart is confused. Love is right in front of me, the kind I want. But my heart isn't in it.
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